The Building Blocks of an Effective Life
The Building Blocks of an Effective Life
Bad habits led me to burnout. Good habits helped me overcome it.
My brain came back online during a thunderstorm Monday morning.
I was sitting at my desk, sipping my coffee, watching squirrels chase each other around the backyard. Before my eyes, the yellow-green landscape of encroaching autumn morphed into a gray-black cloud of wind-driven rain.
The harder I stared, the more my eyes blurred from fatigue. I hadn’t slept well in days. Exhausted, I closed my eyes, focusing intently on the sound of pouring rain pattering on the roof.
The rhythm of the rain, the ebb and flow in intensity, calmed my frayed nerves. Tension melted off my shoulders, and for the first time in a while, I was at peace.
Ten minutes passed, then twenty. Without realizing it, I had slipped into the most effective meditation session I’d had in weeks. And I didn’t want it to end.
Eventually, the rain subsided and I opened my eyes. The gloom outside my window dissipated, the yellow-green leaves glistening triumphantly in the late-arriving sun.
My mind needed this rest after weeks of anxiety. For the first time in a while, I felt rejuvenated. Words that had dammed up in my brain now flowed freely into my subconscious.
I was ready to write again.
The road to burnout
For the last three weeks, I had plenty to say, but I was missing the words to say it.
Despite having a carefully crafted outline at the ready, when it came time to turn bullet points into coherent sentences, I couldn’t do it.
Somewhere along the way, my energy stores depleted, exhausted from months of incessant stress and worry. At some point, exhaustion became burnout, rendering me unable to perform even the most basic of creative tasks.
There were many reasons it reached this point. Let’s start with the existential.
Ever since I turned 38 a few weeks ago, I’ve been fixated on everything I’ve yet to accomplish in life. (It’s true when they say comparison is the thief of joy.) Making matters worse, I’ve also been dwelling on big-picture worries, which include my muscle disease progression, my future, and the state of the world.
That said, as difficult as these thoughts are — and continue to be — they aren’t new concerns. I’ve always struggled to feel optimistic about my future with this disease.
What made me burn out this time, however, was getting away from the basics — those foundational habits that allow me to function creatively and process daily anxieties.
Habits: the building blocks of an effective life
My existential worries are not going away, but to a large extent, they are out of my control.
What’s in my control? My habits.
When I adopt healthy habits, I’m able to keep my existential worries at bay. When I abandon these habits, life becomes infinitely harder, which usually leads to catastrophe.
Somewhere along the way, I got off track, and I paid the price.
Last week, while basking in the warmth of an early fall day, I sat outside on the deck and cracked open my notebook, intent to get back to basics and, ultimately, back on track.
I broke out my life into eight habit “pillars”1:
Diet
Sleep
Reflection
Inner peace
Work
Hobbies
Relationships
Support system
Once I broke each pillar into its corresponding habits, I saw just how much I’d gone astray.
Getting back on track
Next to each pillar, I jotted down my ideal habits (ideal) and compared them to what I was currently doing (reality). The contrast was stark.
Here’s what I wrote in my notebook:
(If you don’t want to read the full list, feel free to skim and move on to the next section.)
Diet
Ideal ✅: Eat a balanced diet. Drink lots of water. Minimize snacking between meals.
Reality ❌: My fruit and vegetable intake has plummeted. I’m overeating at dinner. I’m drinking way too much coffee and not enough water. (Sorry,
. I promise to do better.)Sleep
Ideal ✅: Close my computer one hour before bed. Follow a daily wind-down routine, writing down what went right, what I’m grateful for, and what I need to work on tomorrow. Get eight hours of sleep.
Reality ❌: I’ve gotten away from my wind-down routine. I use my laptop right up until bedtime, and I go to bed way too late. I’m only getting 6-7 hours of sleep on a good night.
Reflection
Ideal ✅: Every Sunday, take 30-60 minutes to think about the past week and plan for the following week. Reflect on my purpose and make sure my actions align with what’s most important to me.
Actual ✅: If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s reflection. And my purpose remains strong.
Inner peace
Ideal ✅: Meditate for 15-20 minutes in the morning and, if possible, the afternoon too. Pray throughout the day. Go outside when it’s nice out.
Current ❌: I’ve been praying, and I go outside when it’s sunny, but I’ve completely gotten away from meditation. I can feel the impact — when I don’t meditate, I become scatterbrained.
Work
Ideal ✅: Work on the most important tasks in the late morning when I’m most awake. Do administrative tasks/calls/social media in the afternoon. Then, wind down in the evening. Watch TV until bedtime.
Current ❌: (I got the TV part down — does that count as success?)
My schedule is a mess. I get bogged down by minutiae in the morning, which causes me to do my most important tasks later in the day when I’m already tired. Instead of winding down in the evening, I keep working and working. Which then leads me to think about work as I try to sleep. Not good.
Hobbies
Ideal ✅: Read books and articles 1-2 hours per day. Also, take breaks to catch up on sports news.
Current ❌: Hobbies? What are hobbies? What’s a book?
My reading time has plummeted. Busy work has cannibalized my hobby time. Fail.
Relationships
Ideal ✅: Keep in touch with family and friends. Show them love and enjoy their company.
Current ✅: I’m doing a good job of this. That said, when I have conversations with people, I’m not always giving my full attention, as my subconscious frets about work issues.
Support system
Ideal ✅: When I feel down, talk to a friend. Ask for help when I’m overwhelmed. If necessary, talk to a therapist again.
Current ❌: Ah yes, asking for help. I’ve written thousands of words on the subject and just appeared on a podcast to discuss this very topic, and yet, I still struggle to do it.
Lately, I’ve been terrible about reaching out to people for support, even just to say that I’m going through a rough patch and need a laugh. And given that I’ve been feeling down recently, it might not be a bad idea to see a therapist again.
Course correcting
Of course, it’s one thing to list out habits; it’s another to adhere to them.
Once I identified where I’d gone astray, I made it a point to prioritize these habits, going so far as to put them on my to-do list each day.
Alongside “edit two chapters of my book” was a reminder to “drink water.”
Next to “schedule a doctor’s appointment”, I put “go outside for 15 minutes”.
I’ve found that when I make something a priority, it gets done. That’s the only way.
I treated my habits with a newfound reverence; little by little, I reaped the benefits. It took a few days to catch up on sleep and climb out of the burnout abyss, but I finally made it, culminating in Monday’s rainstorm breakthrough.
But I have to be careful. I can just as easily burn out again if I go astray.
At least now, I know to take my habits seriously. And that’s half the battle.
Review your habits!
Everyone’s struggles are different, and I don’t want to imply that habits alone are a cure-all for burnout. They’re not.
But habits pack a punch, and are a powerful way to bring order to the chaos of life.
By reviewing your habits regularly, you can keep your mind and body in optimal working order and spot warning signs ahead of time. (Something I failed to do originally.)
Here’s how to kickstart this process:
Save this template. After you finish admiring my extensive design skills, download this template for personal use. The left-hand column is a list of the different pillars. The right-hand column is where you can list your ideal habits for each pillar.
To save, click File → Download.
List your important pillars. What are the main habit pillars in your life? Feel free to use my default pillars or add/subtract as necessary. For example, most of you will likely want to add “physical activity.”
What are your ideal habits for each pillar? Your habits might look similar to mine or completely different. List out the habits that make you feel your best.
Conduct an initial self-evaluation. Look over the list. Of the habits you wrote down, which ones are you doing well now? Which have you gotten away from?
Organize your schedule to prioritize these habits. Add these ideal habits to your to-do list. Treat them with the reverence of an action item that must get done no matter what. Give yourself ample time to complete them each day. If you need to, block off time on your calendar.
Use prompts. Keep your list of pillars and habits handy for quick reference. Print the page and tape it to your computer, or set an alarm on your phone to review the list perodically. Do whatever you need to do to remember your habits. Otherwise, you’ll forget.
At the end of each day, review your progress. If you neglected one of your pillars (such as diet or sleep), prioritize it the next day.
Every three weeks, take a step back and evaluate. How do you feel now that you’ve gotten back to basics? If you’re sticking to your good habits, chances are you’re in a good place. If you’re still struggling, that’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect every day. Just do your best. Every positive effort makes a difference.
💭 A few other thoughts
If you’d like to read more about habits, I suggest these books: Atomic Habits, by James Clear and The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg.
I appreciate everyone who checked in on me last week after I said I was feeling burned out. I also really appreciate everyone who contributed to my burnout thread. Lots of great tips! I haven’t had a chance to compile them all, but I’ll try to get to that next week.
As this post goes out, Hurricane Milton is hours away from hitting Florida. All of you in Florida and the southeast are on my mind (especially after Helene). I’m praying for your safety, and if you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out.
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I don’t include exercise on this list since I can’t do it. But if I was able-bodied, it would have made the list.
More great tools in here! Sending you big hugs from over here. Our health is a lot to deal with alone, but the state of the world right now is just, wow. It's so much. I've also fallen off the meditating too and the times when I fall out of my wind down routine, I feel so much worse. So you definitely have company in that boat. Thanks for shedding light on just how important habits can be right now (and also not beating ourselves too much if we falter, as outlined in your newer post 😊)
So many things! Happy belated birthday, congratulations on the podcast about asking for help, and I love that you crafted an emotionally intelligent structure for readers to come back from burnout!