🤫 How to Tame Impostor Syndrome
You belong, no matter what your inner critic says
I’m writing the worst book in the history of books.
At least, that’s what my inner voice tells me every day when I sit down to write.
It’s a lovely inner voice, so kind and encouraging. I love basking in the warmth of its daily affirmations, which include gems such as:
“Dude, stop writing. You’re not an author.”
“You put that chapter there? A serious author wouldn’t make that choice.”
“You realize no one wants to read this, right?”
“This 300-page book is, oh, 300 pages too long.”
“Hello, Adversity? More like hello, 0-star rating on Amazon.”
Thanks, inner voice.
Deep down, I know this negative self-talk isn’t an accurate depiction of reality; it’s a map of New York when I’m in Chicago. Despite what my inner voice says, I am qualified to write this book. I’m writing about my rare disease experience, which, last time I checked, is a book only I can write.
Thankfully, when my mind enters a negativity spiral, my more compassionate, authentic self jumps in with words of support:
“You can do this!”
“You are qualified. You just need to keep going.”
“If necessary, you can always bribe your readers to give you a five-star rating.”
That’s better.
I wish that I could eliminate the self-doubt and second-guessing, but no matter what I do, it won’t go away.
Every day, I fight this inner battle.
Every day, I contend with impostor syndrome.
A lack of confidence
Impostor syndrome is a tangled web of complex emotions, which include perfectionism, self-doubt, anxiety, and fear. Combined, these emotions erode our self-confidence, and when left unchecked, they can diminish our appetite for risk-taking.
I’m not the most confident person in the world; I’ve always felt like an impostor in some form. When I joined my elementary school’s gifted student program in fourth grade, I thought someone mixed me up with a classmate. On my first day of business school, I feared that everyone would laugh at my lack of business knowledge while smacking me over the head with rolled-up Wall Street Journals. When I took the stage at a large healthcare conference in 2018, I nervously waited for someone to start heckling me.
There was no validity to these fears, yet they felt indisputable.
Here’s how Psychology Today defines impostor syndrome:
People who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.
Sadly, it’s an accurate definition — I always feel like I’m about to be “found out” and exposed as a fraud.
If there’s any comfort, it’s that this is a common worry. Almost everyone suffers from impostor syndrome at some point, which means — you guessed it — we are all impostors!
So many people struggle with self-confidence despite showing great promise and skill. Even when we taste success, we still discount it as blind luck, despite all evidence to the contrary.
We would rather see ourselves as frauds than as capable individuals.
And that’s a shame.
The richest place in the world
Impostor syndrome can affect us in different ways, but it is especially good at thwarting our ambitions and poking holes in our ideas.
As motivational speaker Les Brown often says, when we fail to pursue our dreams, the world is a lesser place:
The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.
How many of you want to be something, but don’t think you’re good enough?
How many of you have great ideas that you’ve never pursued because you don’t think you have what it takes to bring them to fruition?
If you raised your hand, I’m right there with you.
If I didn’t have impostor syndrome, I would have become a full-time writer years ago. Or a basketball coach. Or maybe an inventor! I am always coming up with ideas for contraptions that could improve my life, only to forget them ten minutes later because I knew I’d never seriously pursue them.
The more we let impostor syndrome dictate how we feel about chasing our goals and dreams, the less we accomplish, which ultimately leads to a richer graveyard.
It reminds me of something former Apple design chief Jony Ive said at Steve Jobs’ memorial service:
I think [Jobs], better than anyone, understood that while ideas ultimately can be so powerful, they begin as fragile, barely formed thoughts, so easily missed, so easily compromised, so easily just squished.
So easily squished. Oof.
So many of our ideas and ambitions are never given a chance to succeed, simply because we’re afraid to follow through.
It all comes back to comparison
Impostor syndrome flourishes when we fall into the comparison trap. We look at everyone else and conclude that we don’t belong on the same stage, or in the same boardroom, or on the same playing field.
The problem lies in the asymmetry between what we perceive in ourselves and what we perceive in others.
We know our flaws deeply. We know our information gaps, our insecurities, and our failures. We carry them with us everywhere we go.
Yet we fail to see these same flaws in others. Everyone else seems more polished. More qualified. More intelligent. They’re unflappable, while we’re a glass case of emotion on the verge of a breakdown.
But here’s the thing — they’re not flawless. Not even close.
The people we think are so great, the ones who intimidate us and make us feel like frauds — they are also battling self-doubt.
The only difference is, we can’t get inside their heads.
Everyone was a beginner once
That said, there are plenty of times when someone is better than us at something. There are always going to be more advanced musicians, more skilled athletes, and more captivating public speakers.
In these situations, it might be tempting to conclude that you are out of your element. But don’t fret; all it means is that you need more experience.
A fraud and a beginner are two different people. A fraud thinks they will never belong; a beginner realizes they lack expertise. Falling short is not an indictment of our intelligence, it’s merely an indication that we’re not yet where we want to be.
In his book, Think Again, author and psychologist Adam Grant writes about the confidence sweet spot, what he calls confident humility. Grant advocates finding the middle ground between unchecked arrogance and impostor syndrome:
What we want to attain is confident humility: having faith in our capability while appreciating that we may not have the right solution or even be addressing the right problem.1
In other words, we should believe in our inherent capabilities, while being open to the possibility that we currently lack the tools or experience necessary to get what we want.
Grant uses the example of Spanx founder Sara Blakely, who believed in her product vision but lacked the manufacturing and legal expertise to get her business off the ground. Blakely knew she was competent; she just needed to fill specific gaps in her knowledge before her business could take off. Once she learned what she needed to learn, everything changed.
Impostor syndrome likes to trick us into believing that we’re dumb and incapable when in reality all we need is a little more expertise.
Ten ways to deal with impostor syndrome
There are many ways to tame impostor syndrome. Here are ten that have worked for me:
Recognize the asymmetry - The sooner we realize that everyone else has their flaws, failures, and insecurities, the more confident we’ll be in our abilities.
Practice confident humility - Remind yourself that you are competent, you might just need to upgrade your toolset or gain more experience.
Embrace impostor syndrome - Embrace it? We just talked about defeating it. I know, I know. In certain situations, a little bit of impostor syndrome is healthy. It keeps us from being complacent or veering into overconfidence, what Adam Grant calls Armchair Quarterback Syndrome. If we don’t take anything for granted, we are more likely to be prepared.
Just do it - The more we think about something, the more we can psych ourselves out. Impostor syndrome thrives in moments of self-doubt. Sometimes, it’s best to dive right in and get started.
Commit to learning - Learning is the path to proficiency; everyone starts as a beginner. Keep this in mind the next time you compare yourself to an “expert”. A lack of experience or knowledge doesn’t mean you don’t belong.
Talk about it with your friends - There’s a good chance that your friends also deal with impostor syndrome. Commit to building one another up and providing encouragement as you progress in your lives and careers. Friends can offer objective, loving advice and remind us that we’re more competent than we think.
Track your progress over time - Next time you feel like an impostor, write down why. Then revisit a few weeks later. Is it still true, or do you feel more capable? Every time you overcome self-doubt, you’ll accrue more and more evidence that you’re not an impostor. Add these moments to your cookie jar!
Remember that impostor syndrome is a two-way street - Don’t forget that impostor syndrome works both ways. Someone might be intimidated by your skillset or expertise. They might look at what you bring to the table and conclude they don’t stack up.
Put a unique spin on whatever you’re doing - In his book, Excellent Advice For Living, tech visionary Kevin Kelly says this about impostor syndrome:
When you have some success, the feeling of being an imposter can be real. Who am I fooling? But when you create things that only you with your unique talents and experience can do then you are absolutely not an imposter. You are the ordained. It is your destiny to work on things that only you can do.
Everyone has a unique mix of expertise and personal experience. No one can replicate what you bring to the table. Always remember that.
Tell your inner voice to be quiet - One of my favorite gifs is the penguin that knocks another penguin into the water:
When all else fails, when your inner voice is annoying you to no end, you can always tell it to be quiet. It’s not like the voice is accurate, anyways.
You are better than you think
Impostor syndrome is never fun. Unfortunately, there’s no real way to eliminate it permanently. But the good news is, it can be tamed. Follow the ten steps above and you’ll be able to reduce your negative self-talk to a whisper.
If you need a little extra motivation, here is one of my favorite quotes from Steve Jobs:
Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact, and that is that everything around you that you call ‘life’ was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.
Don’t let impostor syndrome stop you from realizing your potential. The world is waiting for your contribution.
Related Posts:
Breaking Free of the Comparison Trap
Think Again, by Adam Grant, P. 46
That penguin GIF is the best 😂 Thanks for the great tips for helping combat imposter syndrome.
"It’s a map of New York when I’m in Chicago." This!!