This was FANFUCKINGTASTIC and I love anything with the Imperial March. WE ALL needed to read this. Thank you, Chris. And YES, we’ve all got our problems. I personally know people that have wild success and exorbitant amounts of money and they are absolute messes in other ways. Perspective is so important. Maybe the most important.
Thank you! Yeah it's definitely my default to want these outward things even though I know deep down that they're overrated. That's when I run into trouble. When I seek the non-superficial, life becomes way more meaningful.
Funny you mention the Imperial March - I kept trying to think of a good song to accompany the inner critic. A close second was the Debbie Downer song from the SNL skit.
I love how you were able to shift into kindness towards yourself - finding that sweet voice to overcome the inner critic. You showed how we can all step back and see the bigger picture, too!
“I swear there are days I find it hard to get out of bed and face the day.”
I feel this so much. Writing gives me purpose. It literally IS the reason I get up and face the day. Being mostly bedbound I don’t even always get OUT of bed… but setting small goals, deciding to write about a personal experience or struggle that might help someone else? Those things keep me going.
I really appreciated the creativity you put into this piece - and the reminder that we’re doing just fine right now. It’s ok to take a rest. It’s ok to have bad days. But we keep going. And we should all be a bit kinder to ourselves.
A funny, quirky, incredibly moving and powerful reminder to be kind to ourselves! I often encourage my patients or loved ones who struggle with their inner critics to talk to themselves like they would to a friend. We are naturally far more compassionate to others, and yet so hard on ourselves. Do I take my own advice? Nope! But I really should. Chris, thank you for reminding us to be the friend we need 💛
Thanks Charis! Yes I'm finding that a lot of what I write about is EQ-related. Making me think about next steps in my career, if I want to go down that route :)
Holy shit! This is one of the BEST posts I have ever read, Chris. It brought me to tears. Thank you for putting this into the world - you’re such a wise and creative writer!
30 years ago, in my 30s, I was in a dead-end job and in therapy trying to sort out which way to go in my life. I had made some basic changes but was unsure about my future. I eventually decided to go grad school to study psychology in education and use that degree to find more sustainable work. Found myself in community mental health for several years and saw a realistic path to licensed professional counseling and therapy. Writing regularly is relatively new for me, but feels wonderful given my slow start in life. Keep putting one foot in front if the other and you will get to where you need to be. Good luck!
Isn’t it so funny (in a kind of infuriating way) how these reminders show up exactly when we need to hear them? Chris, I’m so glad you’re relearning how to be a good friend to yourself…and remember, you’ve got lots of them out here too if you ever need a reminder. ❤️
Looks like there were more than five readers who stuck it out to the end.😉 Your post was a great read. The conversation was very clever and witty. More than that, it was filled with truth nuggets and takeaways. Perhaps the most useful one to me is that we should be cautious about being fooled by recurring dissatisfaction which, as you reminded us, is part of the human condition. That's so easy to forget. There was much more, too. Thank you, Chris.
Adorable Chris. And I think I like how magical KC is❣️ he should guest post again 🤗
The other thought I would love to sneak in here is that IC is comparing himself to a very old stereotype of what it means to live a good life, and appraising oneself by “achievements” … not all of us are here to do that with our lives. Some of us, I believe, are here to touch other souls… like I wrote about in my essay on Dylan’s book. (https://stayingtogether.substack.com/p/for-the-love-of-dylan).
In my heart, I known that Dylan is living his life’s purpose. And although I’ve spent the last 4+ years laying in my back while the MDs attempt to resolve my condition, I am doing my utmost to still be myself.
Thanks Teyani! Yeah, I'll probably let KC guest post at some point :)
I hear you re: accomplishments. What I was trying to get across was that it's my default to think that way but it takes active thinking (or a nudge from my kinder self) to break free from this. It's only upon deeper reflection that I can rise above that and see that none of these superficial things matter.
I think it’s an ongoing challenge for all of us to not allow our inner critics to drown out kinder voices! I know it is for me. One thing that has helped (sometimes) is to listen to my inner critic with compassion and understand that his intentions are good. I write a dialog with my inner critic in my journal, and tell him I appreciate his efforts to protect me but they are doing more harm than good. I let him know that I understand his concerns but am going to risk failure and rejection to do what I think is best for me despite his objections.
This was FANFUCKINGTASTIC and I love anything with the Imperial March. WE ALL needed to read this. Thank you, Chris. And YES, we’ve all got our problems. I personally know people that have wild success and exorbitant amounts of money and they are absolute messes in other ways. Perspective is so important. Maybe the most important.
Thank you! Yeah it's definitely my default to want these outward things even though I know deep down that they're overrated. That's when I run into trouble. When I seek the non-superficial, life becomes way more meaningful.
Funny you mention the Imperial March - I kept trying to think of a good song to accompany the inner critic. A close second was the Debbie Downer song from the SNL skit.
https://youtu.be/Aek_t8GT6bg?t=26
I love how you were able to shift into kindness towards yourself - finding that sweet voice to overcome the inner critic. You showed how we can all step back and see the bigger picture, too!
Thanks Serena! :)
“I swear there are days I find it hard to get out of bed and face the day.”
I feel this so much. Writing gives me purpose. It literally IS the reason I get up and face the day. Being mostly bedbound I don’t even always get OUT of bed… but setting small goals, deciding to write about a personal experience or struggle that might help someone else? Those things keep me going.
I really appreciated the creativity you put into this piece - and the reminder that we’re doing just fine right now. It’s ok to take a rest. It’s ok to have bad days. But we keep going. And we should all be a bit kinder to ourselves.
Thank you so much!
I was trying to figure out how to write about this subject and kept scrapping my outlines. I figured it would be easiest to show as a conversation!
It was creative AND fun to read! Definitely a success in my books!
A funny, quirky, incredibly moving and powerful reminder to be kind to ourselves! I often encourage my patients or loved ones who struggle with their inner critics to talk to themselves like they would to a friend. We are naturally far more compassionate to others, and yet so hard on ourselves. Do I take my own advice? Nope! But I really should. Chris, thank you for reminding us to be the friend we need 💛
Thanks Ruhie! Fortunately (or unfortunately?) you're not alone - we all struggle with this.
🧡 xo
Thanks Sandra!
Love this one, Chris! Becoming our own cheerleader is a wonderful EQ technique
Thanks Charis! Yes I'm finding that a lot of what I write about is EQ-related. Making me think about next steps in my career, if I want to go down that route :)
Holy shit! This is one of the BEST posts I have ever read, Chris. It brought me to tears. Thank you for putting this into the world - you’re such a wise and creative writer!
Ha! Thank you so much! I wasn't sure how people would respond to it so I'm glad it landed well 🙏
"Be the friend you need" has just gone up on a sticky note on the wall by my desk. Thanks for starting my day with both humor and inspiration, Chris.
Thanks Jessica!
30 years ago, in my 30s, I was in a dead-end job and in therapy trying to sort out which way to go in my life. I had made some basic changes but was unsure about my future. I eventually decided to go grad school to study psychology in education and use that degree to find more sustainable work. Found myself in community mental health for several years and saw a realistic path to licensed professional counseling and therapy. Writing regularly is relatively new for me, but feels wonderful given my slow start in life. Keep putting one foot in front if the other and you will get to where you need to be. Good luck!
Thank you for this encouragement! Means a lot 🙏
Awesome, just awesome! Such wise words in this must-read of a post, Chris. 🙌
Thank you! :)
Isn’t it so funny (in a kind of infuriating way) how these reminders show up exactly when we need to hear them? Chris, I’m so glad you’re relearning how to be a good friend to yourself…and remember, you’ve got lots of them out here too if you ever need a reminder. ❤️
Thanks Maddie!
I really like Kind Chris! He is not only kind, he is compassionate, funny, inspiring, and wise. Oh wait, he's you!
Thanks Cherie! :)
Love the creativity and message in this post Chris. “Dude you’re a writer”! 😉💗
Thanks Jane!
Looks like there were more than five readers who stuck it out to the end.😉 Your post was a great read. The conversation was very clever and witty. More than that, it was filled with truth nuggets and takeaways. Perhaps the most useful one to me is that we should be cautious about being fooled by recurring dissatisfaction which, as you reminded us, is part of the human condition. That's so easy to forget. There was much more, too. Thank you, Chris.
Thanks Steve!
Adorable Chris. And I think I like how magical KC is❣️ he should guest post again 🤗
The other thought I would love to sneak in here is that IC is comparing himself to a very old stereotype of what it means to live a good life, and appraising oneself by “achievements” … not all of us are here to do that with our lives. Some of us, I believe, are here to touch other souls… like I wrote about in my essay on Dylan’s book. (https://stayingtogether.substack.com/p/for-the-love-of-dylan).
In my heart, I known that Dylan is living his life’s purpose. And although I’ve spent the last 4+ years laying in my back while the MDs attempt to resolve my condition, I am doing my utmost to still be myself.
Just something to think about.
Thanks Teyani! Yeah, I'll probably let KC guest post at some point :)
I hear you re: accomplishments. What I was trying to get across was that it's my default to think that way but it takes active thinking (or a nudge from my kinder self) to break free from this. It's only upon deeper reflection that I can rise above that and see that none of these superficial things matter.
I think it’s an ongoing challenge for all of us to not allow our inner critics to drown out kinder voices! I know it is for me. One thing that has helped (sometimes) is to listen to my inner critic with compassion and understand that his intentions are good. I write a dialog with my inner critic in my journal, and tell him I appreciate his efforts to protect me but they are doing more harm than good. I let him know that I understand his concerns but am going to risk failure and rejection to do what I think is best for me despite his objections.
Thanks Wendi! I like your approach. I never even considered doing this, but this is a great way to reframe the inner critic.