Chris! This piece is your greatest work yet. So insightful and relatable. I bet every single person on earth can relate to it. You have no idea how many times I’ve wished for a bigger house, a higher salary, married to a good partner instead of single, more exotic vacations… have you thought about submitting this to the New York Times? If you talk a little more about your own experience with your muscle disease, and then shorten this article a bit, I think it would be a great fit for the opinion section. Everyone needs to hear this, seriously.
I was struck by your line about realizing comparisons to your peers had become apples-to-oranges. So many comparisons are!
As a financial planner, I worked with early- and mid-career women who outearned me massively, which initially drew me into the comparison trap. But as I learned more about everyone’s unique circumstances, I realized that theirs were fundamentally different than my own, and each other’s, making comparisons pointless.
This was a great letter with so many actionable lessons!
Thanks Maddie! As I'm progressing in my career I am realizing more that more $ usually equates to long hours and sacrifices I'm not willing to make. Some people in my network, I'm pretty sure, don't sleep.
I'm convinced that two major keys to happiness and satisfaction in life are 1) being crystal-clear on the tradeoffs you are (and aren't) willing to make, and 2) getting enough sleep. So you're 2 for 2!
So many great insights in this, Chris. My relationship with social media has been very fraught too. I often say I "should all over myself" in life with all the things I think I'm "supposed" to be doing, and social media 100% amplifies that feeling often. I'm constantly trying to find a balance that keeps me in a place of enjoying it versus getting sucked into the rabbit hole of comparison. “it didn’t make sense to compare my life to theirs”…thank you for that. In all my moments of comparison, that never crossed my mind. It's like comparing apples to oranges. I think I’ve had a much more self-pitying mindset instead that goes something like “they get to do all this fun stuff because they don’t have a disability and it’s not fair”. I know COVID definitely made that feeling even stronger. You've created a really great list here of ways to combat the comparison trap.
We are taught to compare pretty much from birth (what age did you walk, talk, who's taller, who got the better grade), so how could we not be trapped by comparison? Love your insights, Chris. My friends all surpassed me long ago in their lives, successes and achievements. But, like you, I have my own path, a different drummer's beat. I love their good news and no longer feel left behind. It is inspiration. And some meme said something about rights and that if someone gets more rights it doesn't take away any of yours, because "It's not pie!" I love that. It's not pie. There's plenty of good stuff to go around. Thanks for the reminder. xo
I would like to give extra “hearts”, please ! 😊 Excellent article❤️❤️❤️
Chris! This piece is your greatest work yet. So insightful and relatable. I bet every single person on earth can relate to it. You have no idea how many times I’ve wished for a bigger house, a higher salary, married to a good partner instead of single, more exotic vacations… have you thought about submitting this to the New York Times? If you talk a little more about your own experience with your muscle disease, and then shorten this article a bit, I think it would be a great fit for the opinion section. Everyone needs to hear this, seriously.
Thank you! Hmm...that is an interesting idea. I have to see what their word limit is. I might consider that.
I was struck by your line about realizing comparisons to your peers had become apples-to-oranges. So many comparisons are!
As a financial planner, I worked with early- and mid-career women who outearned me massively, which initially drew me into the comparison trap. But as I learned more about everyone’s unique circumstances, I realized that theirs were fundamentally different than my own, and each other’s, making comparisons pointless.
This was a great letter with so many actionable lessons!
Thanks Maddie! As I'm progressing in my career I am realizing more that more $ usually equates to long hours and sacrifices I'm not willing to make. Some people in my network, I'm pretty sure, don't sleep.
I'm convinced that two major keys to happiness and satisfaction in life are 1) being crystal-clear on the tradeoffs you are (and aren't) willing to make, and 2) getting enough sleep. So you're 2 for 2!
So many great insights in this, Chris. My relationship with social media has been very fraught too. I often say I "should all over myself" in life with all the things I think I'm "supposed" to be doing, and social media 100% amplifies that feeling often. I'm constantly trying to find a balance that keeps me in a place of enjoying it versus getting sucked into the rabbit hole of comparison. “it didn’t make sense to compare my life to theirs”…thank you for that. In all my moments of comparison, that never crossed my mind. It's like comparing apples to oranges. I think I’ve had a much more self-pitying mindset instead that goes something like “they get to do all this fun stuff because they don’t have a disability and it’s not fair”. I know COVID definitely made that feeling even stronger. You've created a really great list here of ways to combat the comparison trap.
Thanks Jackie. I get where you are coming from on the self-pitying part. That is something I have to fight against constantly.
We are taught to compare pretty much from birth (what age did you walk, talk, who's taller, who got the better grade), so how could we not be trapped by comparison? Love your insights, Chris. My friends all surpassed me long ago in their lives, successes and achievements. But, like you, I have my own path, a different drummer's beat. I love their good news and no longer feel left behind. It is inspiration. And some meme said something about rights and that if someone gets more rights it doesn't take away any of yours, because "It's not pie!" I love that. It's not pie. There's plenty of good stuff to go around. Thanks for the reminder. xo
Great points! Although with actual pie, I might revert to zero-sum. I love pie...
Comparison is the thief of joy - but even knowing that, it's often very difficult sometimes not to caught up in the spiral!
Such a great post - there's tonnes to think about here. Thank you so much, Chris.