Chris, this might be my favorite piece of yours so far (though admittedly, that's a constantly-moving target).
The language you use to recount your story is direct and unsparing—arresting, really. And when it comes to applying your own lessons more broadly, the framework you've created is *so* spot-on. I'd never thought deeply about the barriers to asking for help (I just knew that I struggled with the same thing, ha!), but was nodding along as you identified each one.
Really wonderful work; I'm looking forward to Part 2.
Really powerful reminder of several important points which seem to be counter intuitive - I am powerless but we are powerful, I have to surrender to win. Thanks, Chris.
Interdependence isn’t something that’s modelled too often; instead, we’re often told to be independent. This was an excellent piece of writing, Chris. So glad I stumbled upon your Substack.
What you're saying here Christopher is very true. Most of the time, we find real help in complete strangers. When we seek help from people close to us like relatives, colleagues and friends, we show our vulnerability. There goes our facade of invincibility from poverty, poor health, danger and other things. Sometimes, people close to us, when they sense our despair, grow farther from us or show less concern. Christopher, if in case, people need homeopathic care in case pharma doesn't solve anything in their medical problems, inform me and I'll send you the details about that good doctor.
Your honesty about the pride, vulnerability, fear of getting hurt, and the perception of burdening others are all common and relatable hurdles that prevent us from seeking the support we often desperately need. It's great that you've provided practical strategies for moving past these barriers, as they can be paralysing for many of us who face adversity.
Echoing what Maddie said below, I think this may be favorite stack of yours so far too (which is not an easy choice, let me tell you). It resonated so so strongly with me.
Our culture here is very much one of individualism and “pull yourself up by the bootstraps”. It doesn’t account for the fact that that’s not possible for everyone or like you said in the “Pride” section, that none of us get through life without some sort of help from someone else. We all need help at one point or another. It never makes someone "weak" to ask no matter how much that might be the message that gets conveyed.
My fear about asking for help has so many layers and I think you peeled them all back here. I'm stubborn and rather than admit I can't do something, I'll instead hurt myself trying to do it because admitting I can't do something feels like a failure or a loss of independence. I have worked up the courage to ask for help in the past too and have definitely had instances where I’ve been treated like a nuisance, had eyes rolled at me, or a myriad of other not positive reactions which put me back in my shell. I've literally been lying on the ground from falling too and people will just walk by and not come to my aid. But I’ve seen how much overall people open up to me way more when I’m vulnerable with them. And the people who haven’t been willing to help are the exception not the rule. So it really is worth it to break down those walls and ask. The people who are worth your time will always be willing to help and helping each other brings us all closer together :)
You make many excellent points. I realize that one of the barriers to help for me was not wanting to admit that my condition was getting worse. If I asked for help, I was admitting that I'd never be able to do that activity again on my own.
Way delayed response here, but that's such a great point. One of my biggest barriers in asking for help is similar to yours but slightly different. Asking for help means admitting I can't do something which means maybe I'll never be as independent as I wish I could be.
Chris, this might be my favorite piece of yours so far (though admittedly, that's a constantly-moving target).
The language you use to recount your story is direct and unsparing—arresting, really. And when it comes to applying your own lessons more broadly, the framework you've created is *so* spot-on. I'd never thought deeply about the barriers to asking for help (I just knew that I struggled with the same thing, ha!), but was nodding along as you identified each one.
Really wonderful work; I'm looking forward to Part 2.
Aw, thanks Maddie!
Thank you for sharing all of this. It’s excellent.
Thank you!
Really powerful reminder of several important points which seem to be counter intuitive - I am powerless but we are powerful, I have to surrender to win. Thanks, Chris.
Thanks Phil!
Thank you. I needed this today. I was diagnosed with LGMD 2I a few years ago. It really helps to read and hear common experiences.
Thanks David. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis but I certainly can relate.
Thanks, I do pretty well, but it’s always good to find resources. I’m glad I found your Substack and look forward to reading more.
Interdependence isn’t something that’s modelled too often; instead, we’re often told to be independent. This was an excellent piece of writing, Chris. So glad I stumbled upon your Substack.
Thank you!
What you're saying here Christopher is very true. Most of the time, we find real help in complete strangers. When we seek help from people close to us like relatives, colleagues and friends, we show our vulnerability. There goes our facade of invincibility from poverty, poor health, danger and other things. Sometimes, people close to us, when they sense our despair, grow farther from us or show less concern. Christopher, if in case, people need homeopathic care in case pharma doesn't solve anything in their medical problems, inform me and I'll send you the details about that good doctor.
Your honesty about the pride, vulnerability, fear of getting hurt, and the perception of burdening others are all common and relatable hurdles that prevent us from seeking the support we often desperately need. It's great that you've provided practical strategies for moving past these barriers, as they can be paralysing for many of us who face adversity.
Thanks Winston!
I really love this post - it just breaks down something we all (or at least I) do so frequently into really consumable, less intimidating chunks.
Thanks Noha! :)
Echoing what Maddie said below, I think this may be favorite stack of yours so far too (which is not an easy choice, let me tell you). It resonated so so strongly with me.
Our culture here is very much one of individualism and “pull yourself up by the bootstraps”. It doesn’t account for the fact that that’s not possible for everyone or like you said in the “Pride” section, that none of us get through life without some sort of help from someone else. We all need help at one point or another. It never makes someone "weak" to ask no matter how much that might be the message that gets conveyed.
My fear about asking for help has so many layers and I think you peeled them all back here. I'm stubborn and rather than admit I can't do something, I'll instead hurt myself trying to do it because admitting I can't do something feels like a failure or a loss of independence. I have worked up the courage to ask for help in the past too and have definitely had instances where I’ve been treated like a nuisance, had eyes rolled at me, or a myriad of other not positive reactions which put me back in my shell. I've literally been lying on the ground from falling too and people will just walk by and not come to my aid. But I’ve seen how much overall people open up to me way more when I’m vulnerable with them. And the people who haven’t been willing to help are the exception not the rule. So it really is worth it to break down those walls and ask. The people who are worth your time will always be willing to help and helping each other brings us all closer together :)
You make many excellent points. I realize that one of the barriers to help for me was not wanting to admit that my condition was getting worse. If I asked for help, I was admitting that I'd never be able to do that activity again on my own.
Way delayed response here, but that's such a great point. One of my biggest barriers in asking for help is similar to yours but slightly different. Asking for help means admitting I can't do something which means maybe I'll never be as independent as I wish I could be.
Vulnerability is a superpower. It really is. Beautiful piece, Chris. xo
Yes it is!
very interesting and a good one )))