Trash pandas are the best, Chris. Good call on The Vise. If I may, let the duality of your emotions balance you, rather than give a rise/crash. (Something I have to remind myself to do.) Instead of things being very good or truly crap, they just are. Some will make you smile more than others, but they just are. No qualifiers. You are doing wonderful stuff and all the good is coming to you. What we sometimes forget is that the best kind, the type that sticks, is incremental. Which is wonderfully not overwhelming. xo
Chris, I loved this post. It’s so helpful to hear advice *applied* -- particularly to oneself. I also know The Vise well... and I love the insight of naming it. So it’s not just me. It’s something other than me, even if it’s in me. Thanks for getting raw and vulnerable. Thanks for sharing your voice. Thanks for letting us see you. The connection feels more real now 💜
It's so nice to know I'm not alone in these feelings. Even though it doesn't necessarily make things easier, I appreciate knowing that others experience the same doubt and negative self-talk that you describe in your post. I run through similar bouts of what you call The Vise and find dealing with it goes in ebbs and flows. Sometimes I'm able to push it away quickly with just some quick centering and breathing exercises, but other times it lingers for days or even weeks depending on the situation.
Thank you for your honesty and transparency around anxiety, and for the vise metaphor. Very helpful. And as an amateur historian and Churchillophile, I can say that "black dog" does come up in the relevant histories and biographies. But perhaps the best source is principal private secretary John Colville's diaries, which never mention it. On a day when the vise isn't terribly present, I recommend delving into them: Fringes of Power, Downing Street Diaries, 1939-1955. If we think we're in a tough spot these days, read especially the entries for 1940, when Britain faced a true existential crisis.
What is your favorite Churchill biography/book? I read Walking with Destiny by Andrew Roberts a couple years ago. That was fantastic. I'm part-way through The Splendid and the Vile.
Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200 - read William Manchester's The Last Lion trilogy. It's 3 volumes, and you can skip the first if you like (though it provides a lot of insight into how the young Churchill became the leader Churchill). For the straight skinny on Second World War, Colville's diaries are unparalleled, making you feel as if you are in the room where it all happens. And believe me-when Churchill was around, there was always something happening! Enjoy the journey.
I read your email and heard your audio yesterday. I must say how brave this is and how deeply insightful too. I haven't had this kind of chronic pain (mine used to be of a different kind, which I feel inspired to write about too) and yet, it never drained my energy in the same way. Just the last 3 days I've been in a fog, super sleepy and with mood swings which is more than the usual monthly combo. It's been difficult to drag myself out from bed and I've been surprised to feel this sudden low. So I truly admire when I hear stories like yours. I've worked with chronic pain patients for a decade and it was such a journey they'd live day in and day out. Made me value everything in life so much more.
I loved the audio too, and the way you talked without reading or repeating through the whole post.
All the best, I hope you feel even better soon, and my admiration for you!
😂 Interesting! Maybe next time experiment with leaving all the swearing and throat-clearing and see how it feels and what effect it does to your writing! :)
Thank you once again for sharing a personal experience that hit the nail on the head for me. The struggle you describe is entirely familiar to me and I would guess it is to every other human as well. Like yours, my anxious thoughts/panic often appear in the middle of the night. Thankfully, God knows this menace too and offers His power to us to temporarily overcome it. Based on conversations you and I have had in the past, I know you already know this. I think it's probably easiest to name the persistent intruder by the name it (he?) has been called for ages: Devil. I recognize that it's not fashionable to discuss godly faith in our culture these days and that's another tragic win for the enemy. Keep writing and praying, my friend. It matters in a big way.
Chris, I'm so sorry about the reappearance of this particular unwelcome visitor. I really appreciate that you wrote about it, as difficult as it must be.
Thank you, as always, for writing so powerfully about your own battles with adversity and resilience...even when adversity feels more present than resilience does. ❤️
And I'm so glad that you're a million times more persistent than The Vise is.
I like ‘The Vise’ very descriptive of the pressure and grip you describe. I’m sorry these waves come, but I am moved by the way you have learned to see them for what they are, even as you experience them. That may motivate you to make it easier but it does add a layer of hope onto the difficult challenge. Appreciate you and your honesty.
Trash pandas are the best, Chris. Good call on The Vise. If I may, let the duality of your emotions balance you, rather than give a rise/crash. (Something I have to remind myself to do.) Instead of things being very good or truly crap, they just are. Some will make you smile more than others, but they just are. No qualifiers. You are doing wonderful stuff and all the good is coming to you. What we sometimes forget is that the best kind, the type that sticks, is incremental. Which is wonderfully not overwhelming. xo
Thanks so much, Sandra Ann!
Ooh I wish I had thought of trash panda....
Chris, I loved this post. It’s so helpful to hear advice *applied* -- particularly to oneself. I also know The Vise well... and I love the insight of naming it. So it’s not just me. It’s something other than me, even if it’s in me. Thanks for getting raw and vulnerable. Thanks for sharing your voice. Thanks for letting us see you. The connection feels more real now 💜
Thanks Leona! This means a lot.
It's so nice to know I'm not alone in these feelings. Even though it doesn't necessarily make things easier, I appreciate knowing that others experience the same doubt and negative self-talk that you describe in your post. I run through similar bouts of what you call The Vise and find dealing with it goes in ebbs and flows. Sometimes I'm able to push it away quickly with just some quick centering and breathing exercises, but other times it lingers for days or even weeks depending on the situation.
Thank you again.
Thanks Jonathan!
Thank you for your honesty and transparency around anxiety, and for the vise metaphor. Very helpful. And as an amateur historian and Churchillophile, I can say that "black dog" does come up in the relevant histories and biographies. But perhaps the best source is principal private secretary John Colville's diaries, which never mention it. On a day when the vise isn't terribly present, I recommend delving into them: Fringes of Power, Downing Street Diaries, 1939-1955. If we think we're in a tough spot these days, read especially the entries for 1940, when Britain faced a true existential crisis.
Thanks Anna!
What is your favorite Churchill biography/book? I read Walking with Destiny by Andrew Roberts a couple years ago. That was fantastic. I'm part-way through The Splendid and the Vile.
Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200 - read William Manchester's The Last Lion trilogy. It's 3 volumes, and you can skip the first if you like (though it provides a lot of insight into how the young Churchill became the leader Churchill). For the straight skinny on Second World War, Colville's diaries are unparalleled, making you feel as if you are in the room where it all happens. And believe me-when Churchill was around, there was always something happening! Enjoy the journey.
I have it on Kindle but got intimidated by the page count! I didn't realize Colville's diaries were published. I will check them out.
Yep! Believe the formal title is Fringes of Power: Downing Street Diaries 1939-1955.
I will check it out!
I read your email and heard your audio yesterday. I must say how brave this is and how deeply insightful too. I haven't had this kind of chronic pain (mine used to be of a different kind, which I feel inspired to write about too) and yet, it never drained my energy in the same way. Just the last 3 days I've been in a fog, super sleepy and with mood swings which is more than the usual monthly combo. It's been difficult to drag myself out from bed and I've been surprised to feel this sudden low. So I truly admire when I hear stories like yours. I've worked with chronic pain patients for a decade and it was such a journey they'd live day in and day out. Made me value everything in life so much more.
I loved the audio too, and the way you talked without reading or repeating through the whole post.
All the best, I hope you feel even better soon, and my admiration for you!
Thanks Mariana! I really appreciate it. I edited out all the swearing and throat-clearing so that also helped 😂
😂 Interesting! Maybe next time experiment with leaving all the swearing and throat-clearing and see how it feels and what effect it does to your writing! :)
I'd be lucky to still have any subscribers left!
Thank you once again for sharing a personal experience that hit the nail on the head for me. The struggle you describe is entirely familiar to me and I would guess it is to every other human as well. Like yours, my anxious thoughts/panic often appear in the middle of the night. Thankfully, God knows this menace too and offers His power to us to temporarily overcome it. Based on conversations you and I have had in the past, I know you already know this. I think it's probably easiest to name the persistent intruder by the name it (he?) has been called for ages: Devil. I recognize that it's not fashionable to discuss godly faith in our culture these days and that's another tragic win for the enemy. Keep writing and praying, my friend. It matters in a big way.
Thanks Steve!
Chris, I'm so sorry about the reappearance of this particular unwelcome visitor. I really appreciate that you wrote about it, as difficult as it must be.
Thank you, as always, for writing so powerfully about your own battles with adversity and resilience...even when adversity feels more present than resilience does. ❤️
And I'm so glad that you're a million times more persistent than The Vise is.
Thanks Maddie!
I like ‘The Vise’ very descriptive of the pressure and grip you describe. I’m sorry these waves come, but I am moved by the way you have learned to see them for what they are, even as you experience them. That may motivate you to make it easier but it does add a layer of hope onto the difficult challenge. Appreciate you and your honesty.
Thanks John!