Hello, Adversity Weekly Roundup #24 - July 15, 2023

The power of friendship in tough times, what to do when things take longer than you expect, and the strange allure of "Barbenheimer"

Photo credit: Jessica Ruscello on Unsplash

Happy Saturday everyone!

Welcome to the 24th edition of the Hello, Adversity Weekly Roundup.

When I put together this newsletter every week, I always try to keep a couple slots open for items I discover last minute. This week, I came across two meaningful stories that discuss a similar topic in slightly different ways.

Both stories deal with cancer—something I try not to write about frequently since I know it’s a tough subject for many. However, what struck me about each story was how they demonstrate the life-changing power of friendship.

When we deal with any challenge—health-related or otherwise—we need support. It is hard to carry our burdens alone. Both stories show how having friends and loved ones in our corner can make such a difference as we navigate the ups and downs of life.

Here are this week’s links:

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1. Bitter rivals. Beloved friends. Survivors.

Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova were the fiercest of rivals during the 1970s and 80s. Each won 18 Grand Slam tennis tournaments; more often than not at the other’s expense. This extraordinary piece by Sally Jenkins chronicles the evolution of the pair’s relationship. After starting out as rivals, they formed a friendship that deepened once they were confronted with their most formidable foe: cancer.

Despite their rivalry on the tennis court, Evert and Navratilova always had a keen awareness of what the other was thinking and feeling. When you are the top two players in your generation, you are going to experience the same highs and lows of competition. This led to a deep mutual respect, which became the foundation of their friendship post-career.

When Evert was diagnosed with cancer in 2021, Navratilova was one of the first to find out. A few months later, it was Navratilova breaking similar news to Evert.

Once again, they knew what each other was going through just like they had so many years before on the tennis court. It bordered on telepathy:

Evert had an almost intuitive sense of when to check up on Navratilova. Just when she would be near despair, not trusting herself to drink from a glass with one quivering hand, the phone would buzz, and it would be Evert. “What stands out is the timing,” Navratilova says. “It was always spot on. Like she knew I was at a low point. I don’t know how she knew, but she did. It was like some kind of cosmic connection. Because it was uncanny.”

This was an excellent article. The takeaway that sticks with me, as I mentioned earlier, is the power of friendship. The adversity that Evert and Navratilova experienced over the years was multifaceted, ranging from competition to discrimination to illness. But through it all, they’ve been there for one another, giving each other the motivation to persevere.

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2. Liam Hendriks wins Jimmy V Award for Perseverance | 2023 ESPYS

Chicago White Sox reliever Liam Hendriks received the Jimmy V Award for Perseverance at Wednesday night’s ESPY awards. Hendriks—whom I wrote about a few weeks ago when he returned to the mound after finishing treatment for non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma—gave a moving speech after accepting the award. He thanked his wife, his doctors, the White Sox organization, and the many friends and players who supported him throughout his ordeal.

I was touched by something Hendriks said towards the end of his speech. Whereas Evert and Navratilova were a constant presence in one another’s lives during their cancer treatments, Hendriks reminds us that any amount of communication can make a difference to someone who is struggling:

If I leave you with anything—and I cannot stress this enough—please, reach out to anybody going through anything similar to this, whether it be cancer, whether it be anxiety, whether it be depression, whether it be any number of things.

Trust me—you are not annoying. You will not be an annoyance to us. All that matters is that you give us that little bit of a text. That could be the singular moment of us picking up our spirits and being able to advance to the next stage, being able to advance to that next day of treatment, being able to advance past anything that we’re going through. That one text can be the difference.

If you haven’t texted a friend who’s been on your mind because you don’t quite know what to say, just do it. All you have to do is say hi and go from there. Ultimately, it’s not the message that matters; it’s the effort.

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3. It Always Takes Longer Than You Expect (Even When You Take This Into Account)

In this post, author Ryan Holiday recounts his naivete after he published his first book eleven years ago. Holiday assumed that he would appear on all the major television outlets to talk about his book, but soon learned that his expectation of overnight success was wildly off base.

He did finally get those television opportunities—eleven years and fourteen books later. In between were many years of hard work and self-doubt as he slowly built his career into the publishing empire it is today.

He owns up to his hubris and realizes the experience taught him a valuable lesson: things usually take way longer than we anticipate. This is known as Hofstadter’s Law, named after scientist and scholar Douglas Hofstadter.

According to Holiday, it’s not just the waiting that is difficult; it’s also the uncertainty of how long we have to wait:

I started blogging in 2005. My first book came out in 2012. The Obstacle is the Way came out in 2014…and took six years for it to hit any bestseller list. I didn’t hit the New York Times Bestseller list until 2019, on my 13th book.

If you had told me that’s how long it would have taken, I might have been able to endure it. But Tom Petty was wrong. Waiting is not the hardest part. It’s the not knowing when the waiting is going to end.

While we wait for our dreams to come true, Holiday suggests we cultivate the virtues of patience, humility, and self-improvement. We should also seek intermediate metrics that indicate we are on the right track.

On the other hand, if we persevere at our goals, only to realize that they are no longer worth pursuing, that is okay too.

My friend Sandra Ann Miller wrote an entertaining piece about this topic on Wednesday. I liked her take on when we should consider letting go of our dreams:

The most important thing is to never ever stop believing in yourself, in your abilities, in your heart. But absolutely do allow yourself to question if there are other beliefs that you need to reconsider, let go of, burn down. You get to do that. You get to say, “Gave it a try and now it’s time to move on!” That’s not failure. It’s growth.

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4. AMC says more than 20,000 moviegoers are doing the "Barbenheimer" double feature

Okay, guilty as charged. This has nothing to do with adversity (except for the nuclear war part).

I recently saw the trailer for Oppenheimer and it looks fantastic. The cast is top-notch, and you can’t go wrong with Christopher Nolan as director. I haven’t been to a movie theater in forever but want to see this in IMAX. (They also renovated the theater by my house and it now serves beer, which is another reason to go.)

But would I be down to see a Barbie-Oppenheimer double feature? That’s a bridge too far.

It appears that I’m in the minority, however. According to AMC Theaters, more than 20,000 people have bought “Barbenheimer” tickets to see both Barbie and Oppenheimer on the same day.

I’m sure there is a theoretical dollar amount you could pay me to see both movies back-to-back, but it wouldn’t be cheap. I’m hard-pressed to think of two more diametrically opposed movies to combine into a double feature, which I get is part of the novelty, but still.

Come to think of it, what would be a stranger double feature than Barbenheimer? Silence of the Lambs and Toy Story? (Silence of the Toy Story?) A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood and John Wick? (John Wick in the Neighborhood?)

I’ll be curious to hear if anyone enjoyed both movies equally. My guess is many people may regret the choice the way Ron Burgundy regrets milk. I think my head would explode from sensory overload.

If you have a story you’d like me to include in a future newsletter, please email me at HelloAdversity@substack.com or leave a comment below.

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