Embracing Serendipity
When we're open to new experiences, life can take us in exciting and unexpected directions
Hi everyone! Just a reminder that I am taking next week off for Thanksgiving.
Also don’t forget to check out the audio recording at the end of this post!
There were many times on my rare disease journey when I shut myself off from the world.
This usually happened after my disease progressed in frustrating ways, such as losing an ability or taking a traumatic fall. I became consumed with worry, which made it impossible to think about anything other than what was going on inside my body.
The last thing on my mind was the power of serendipity — those unplanned, happy moments and opportunities that come from interacting with people, trying new things, and welcoming life's surprises.
Yet, every time, it was the light of new possibilities that helped me emerge from the darkness. Whenever I pushed myself to seek new connections and experiences, my life improved in tangible ways.
Because of serendipity, I have many lifelong friends and happy memories that serve as powerful reminders of what can happen when I escape isolation.
The goal of today’s post is to show how you can push beyond your comfort zone to embrace the inherent unpredictability of life. Opening yourself up to new experiences — especially when dealing with adversity — can add much-needed excitement to your life and take you down paths you never would have imagined.
One yes after another
We don’t know what the future holds, no matter how convincing our fears may appear in our mind’s eye.
There’s no question that the future will contain obstacles and difficulties; that’s life. But just as we can’t predict how these difficulties will materialize, we also can’t conceive of the unexpected ways our lives could change for the better.
When we consider new opportunities, we often dwell on the risks, while discounting the positives. Many times, a simple yes can lead to an exciting opportunity, then another, then another. Next thing we know, life is better than it was before, even if our underlying source of adversity remains.
One of my favorite examples of this serendipity chain reaction is Matthew Dicks’s journey to becoming a writer, which he shares in his book, Someday is Today.
Dicks describes a time early in his career when he was working full-time at McDonald’s while attending two separate colleges full-time. (Not a typo!) One day, his friend Benji calls him to ask if he wants to become a wedding DJ. Despite his prior commitments and the absurdity of the request, Dicks says yes.
At one of the weddings, Dicks meets a groom, Matthew Shepard (“Shep”), who becomes one of his closest friends. One day, Shep calls him and asks if he wants to write Dungeons & Dragons adventures. Dicks reluctantly agrees. In the process of writing these adventures, he realizes he wants to try writing novels.
Three years later, he finishes his first novel and gets it published, followed by seven additional books over the next thirteen years. At one of these book signings, his father shows up, whom he hadn’t seen in twenty years. They’ve since reconnected.
All because he said yes to becoming a wedding DJ.
Even today, despite all his commitments, Dicks’s default is to say yes:
I say yes, because that is what life has taught me to do. I say yes, because that one-hundred-year-old version of me says, “No one’s going to ever ask you this question again.”...The result of that simple yes is remarkable. That yes results in a possibility tree — the branching of new opportunities — of enormous proportions.1
Saying yes feels uncomfortable because we think our decision is permanent. Most decisions, however, are reversible. If we say yes to something and it doesn’t work out, we can bounce back. At worst, we know not to make that decision again.
The power of collisions
Breaking out of our isolation is a vulnerable act. It feels like a lot of effort, and when we are going through tough times, it can be the last thing we want to do, especially if the payoff is unclear.
Solitude is fine in moderation, but when we cut ourselves off from the world, it can exacerbate our difficulties. The longer we remain alone, the more our relationships suffer, and the more we suffer.
I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to shut people out of my life and not tell them what’s going on.
I also know the importance of doing the opposite, which is why I love to write about sharing our stories, asking for help, and seeking role models.
Why do I mention this? The key to experiencing life and letting serendipity work in our favor is to spend at least some time with other people, whether it’s with those we already know or complete strangers.
In his book The Culture Code, author Daniel Coyle spent a few days with the late former CEO of Zappos, Tony Hsieh. Hsieh’s passion was connecting people from different walks of life to create a more interesting world:
Beneath Hsieh’s unconventional approach lies a mathematical structure based on what he calls collisions. Collisions – defined as serendipitous personal encounters – are, he believes, the lifeblood of any organization, the key driver of creativity, community and cohesion.2
Right now, there are people out there on the internet or in our phone contacts who can offer meaningful advice on how to deal with our challenges (even if they can’t solve them), or who can introduce us to people who can enrich our lives in some way.
The more we put ourselves out there in the world and let people know what’s going on in our lives, the more we’ll remain top of mind, increasing the odds of these beneficial “collisions” taking place. Sometimes, all it takes is one new connection to unlock doors we never thought possible.
Five ways to encourage serendipity
There are many ways to encourage serendipity, but before we get started, take a few minutes to consider what you are looking for in your life. Are you seeking exciting experiences? Do you want to make friends or new career connections? Are you hoping to solve a problem impacting your life, or find someone who has been through a similar challenge?
Based on your answer, here are five actions you can take:
Say yes when tempted to say no
The next time you come across an interesting job posting that might feel like a reach, or a friend asks if you want to attend a concert, say yes to the opportunity, even if you’d like nothing more than to curl up on the couch and watch TV. (If a friend asks you to DJ a wedding, even better.)
These decisions may seem inconsequential, but they can often be the start of a positive chain reaction without even realizing it. Maybe applying to the job leads to actually getting the job, which increases your financial security and sense of purpose. Or maybe you attend the concert, realize you love the band, and it inspires you to follow them around the country.
Better yet, by saying yes to one of these experiences, maybe you meet someone who becomes your future best friend, business partner, or spouse.
These are just two examples, but there’s no limit to what can happen when you say yes, especially when you’d rather say no. (I share two examples from my life in the audio recording.)
Writing
For many, writing carries its own intrinsic reward. An audience isn’t necessary to feel fulfilled.
However, writing is also a great way to meet people and open doors. Don’t worry — you don’t need an English degree or a fancy social media presence to connect with others.
When we share our stories, we can help other people, but other people can also help us. For example, someone might discover something we wrote and let us know of a resource or support group we had never found before. Or maybe we get invited to speak at a conference, which is a gold mine for life-changing collisions.
As writer and podcaster David Perell says, “Every article you publish is like a serendipity vehicle.”
Writing has opened many doors for me over the years. Because of something I’ve written, I have met other patients who have become great friends and I have been invited to speak at conferences. I’ve also made numerous career connections.
The act of writing can be difficult, especially if you’ve never done it before. But don’t be intimidated! Share what you’re comfortable sharing. Just know that once you start writing, opportunities await.
Consuming content
Reading is also a serendipity vehicle. Articles and books open us up to ideas and solutions we would never have considered otherwise. Reading puts us in touch with our interests and helps us find new sources of joy that can distract us from our day-to-day hardships.
Take note of these interests. Maybe you realize you love reading fiction and want to try your hand at becoming a writer. Or perhaps you love reading biographies and want to go back to school to become a history teacher. Anything is possible. For example, I know of someone who read about a discriminatory law which inspired them to go to law school.
In my own life, my interest in reading self-development and productivity books is what inspired me to start Hello, Adversity.
Take risks
We all have our dreams and bucket list items, even if they are stuck in neutral. Taking a chance — even one that others think is crazy — can be life-changing. Nothing gets us out of a rut quicker. Nothing supercharges serendipity faster.
I left my job in August to take a break and write. It was a terrifying decision at first (and to some degree still is), but it has allowed me to make connections and pursue opportunities I never would have known about otherwise.
Build your network
When people think about networking, they envision passing out business cards to strangers and awkward conversations at cocktail parties. But networking doesn’t have to be sleazy. All it requires is a little foresight.
If you want to meet someone in a given profession, or who can help solve a problem you’re dealing with, start by asking your family and friends to see if they know anyone. If they don’t, don’t be shy about reaching out on LinkedIn or social media. Many people won’t respond to unsolicited messages, but some will. All you need is one person to say yes.
Even if you aren’t looking to solve a problem, meeting new people or reconnecting with old friends can still lead to exciting possibilities. Someone might let you know about a speaking opportunity, or they might know of a job that would be perfect for you. They might also let you know of someone with similar interests that you should meet.
Many times, the best opportunities come when we aren’t looking, simply because we laid the groundwork by networking and sharing our stories.
When I was unemployed, I spent the bulk of my days reaching out to different people, joining online groups, and having informal conversations about interesting jobs. Even when people didn’t know of any job openings, they were more than willing to share their career experiences. Almost everyone I talked to offered to put me in touch with someone else they knew, without me asking! People want to help.
I eventually got connected to a person who invited me to attend a conference where I met my future boss. Five years later, I left that job with dozens of new friendships and a clearer purpose.
A more optimistic future
By now, you know that I’m not a Pollyanna. I am a fairly level-headed person, especially when it comes to the future. But this topic really gets me excited! Few things have improved my life as much as opening myself up to the unexpected and embracing serendipity.
I’ve learned from experience that I don’t know what the future holds, but if I can put myself out there — if I can meet people, read voraciously, and write about my experiences — I can at least stack the deck in my favor. This is something anyone can do; it just takes a little bit of practice.
When we realize that life can delight us in surprising ways, we can balance the ledger between hardship and hope.
Audio Bonus: Two examples of saying yes in my life
Every time I have pushed myself to say yes, it has led to exciting new opportunities. In this audio recording, I share two of my favorite examples.
Misc. notes
Here’s the link to the Steve Jobs speech.
I said “next week” but I really mean in two weeks.
Every time I try to say “serendipity”, I teeter on the brink of disaster.
Someday is Today, P. 134
The Culture Code, p. 66
Thank you for sharing! In a world-full of reminders to set boundaries by learning how to say "no," it's also important to remember to embrace opportunities by learning how to say "yes!"
I’m obsessed with the idea of the “possibility tree.” And your point about decisions being reversible is so important; in order to avoid being trapped by all the things we say yes to, we need to allow ourselves to decide *not* to continue doing them at some point, if that becomes necessary.