The "Bad-Day Pass"

Don't leave home without it

In the months after I started falling in 2011, I desperately tried to improve my attitude. I believed that if I could force myself to be happy and minimize the severity of my problems, my life would magically get better.

And it worked. For a while.

A positive attitude did help me manage everyday stressors like chronic pain or tight work deadlines. I’d repeat to myself, “This is only temporary!” or “It could be so much worse!”, and it lifted my spirits. But on days when I fell, and it became clear that I couldn’t easily shake off the trauma, positive thinking went out the window. There was simply no way I could find a silver lining in bruised kneecaps, torn flesh, and public embarrassment.

Instead of showing myself grace, I turned on myself, which only made things more difficult. Deep down, I believed there was something fundamentally wrong with me — that I lacked what it took to be optimistic at all times. I had read stories of other people overcoming their challenges. Why couldn’t I?

A few years later, I got my answer.

It turns out, it was my approach that was flawed. Not me.

“Don’t pretend otherwise”

It was September 2015, the start of my second year of business school. A few months before, I had interned at a large pharma company in New York City. I was hoping they’d extend me a full-time offer, but I found out — on my birthday, no less — that they chose a different intern. When I got the news, I was crushed.

That afternoon, I met with my career counselor at her office. She could instantly tell from my clenched jaw and trembling voice that I was fuming.

After allowing me to go on an extended rant about the decision and how unjust it was, she paused, took a deep breath, and then calmly responded with her signature blend of bluntness and compassion.

“Chris, I know it sucks. Today is a bad day. Don’t pretend otherwise. Yell. Scream. Hit a punching bag if you need to. But tomorrow, start fresh and figure out a way forward.”

I nodded, silently. Although I wanted to keep raging at the world, I knew she was right. At some point, I’d have to move on.

We talked for a few more minutes about my job search strategy, and then I left. I felt better knowing she was in my corner, but I was still dejected.

On the drive home, as I replayed the conversation in my mind, I kept returning to her words: “Today is a bad day. Don’t pretend otherwise.”

And then it clicked.

Instead of telling me to shrug it off, she had given me permission to simply…have a bad day. To sulk and feel miserable. To stop what I was doing and try again tomorrow.

It was a grace I’d never allowed myself before, and it was exactly what I needed.

The “Bad-Day Pass”

I’ve carried her advice with me ever since. Now, when a day goes off the rails, I stop forcing myself to show unhealthy levels of grit. Instead of faking positivity, I lament my bad luck. I say bad words. I feel my negative emotions. Then, I go to bed early, get a good night’s sleep, and wake up ready to go the next day.

I call this my “Bad-Day Pass.”¹

It's a simple idea with a corny name, but it works. Why? Sometimes, perseverance means admitting that today has gotten away from us. By using our Bad-Day Pass as needed, we acknowledge that continuing to grind ourselves into the ground risks burnout — or something far worse.

The Bad-Day Pass might seem like giving up, but it’s actually strategic. If we pair it with a commitment to try again tomorrow, we give our spiral an end date. Otherwise, the spiral continues indefinitely.

In falling terms, the Bad-Day Pass is staying down for a moment to regain our composure, rather than trying to jump back up on wobbly legs.

We’re supposed to have ups and downs

Bad days are a fact of life, as much a guarantee as death and taxes. The problem is, somewhere along the way, we’ve been led to believe that happiness means always being happy and resilience means always being resilient.

This leaves no room for bad days. But to deny their inevitability only leads to unnecessary pain and suffering.

Resilience, as I’ve learned from years of struggle, is not all or nothing; neither is happiness. Resilient people still have days when they want to pull out their hair, and happy people can still feel sad.

But what sets them apart is accepting that difficult days are inevitable. They don’t take their bad days personally, and they don’t engage in mental sleight of hand to convince themselves that all is well, when it’s not.

So the next time your day goes haywire and everything falls apart, be kind to yourself. Stop what you’re doing, unplug, and do something fun. Prioritize rest and recovery. Then, the following morning, begin anew with a clean slate.

As I remind myself every time life gets hard, a Bad-Day Pass is not giving up; it’s laying the groundwork for better days ahead.

How do I know? I used it yesterday.

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1. Consider the “Bad-Day Pass” a general rule of thumb for the run-of-the-mill bad day — a rough meeting, a fight with a friend, a plan that fell through, etc.

That said, some traumatic forms of adversity, like a devastating diagnosis or the loss of a loved one, can’t easily be shaken off by the next day. Nor should they. For these tougher situations, there are many things you can do, like talking to someone, asking for help, or reading resources like Hello, Adversity. What matters is knowing there’s no shame in taking as much time as you need.